It was alot easier than I thought it was going to be. I did freak out before surgery and started crying because it brought up some bad memories. I told one of the nurses that the last time I had surgery it didn’t turn out so well and one of my babies passed away 3 days afterwards and the other had to stay in the hospital for 3 1/2 months. But she assured me that I would be fine and they would take care of me and would also give me some medicine to help calm me down. Then, while we were waiting to go into surgery, I was reading my Creating Keepsakes Magazine and there was a scrapbook page featured in there that someone had done of their son Colin and so that made me think about my Colin and upset me. But when I got into the OR they gave me the “happy medicine” and then the anesthesia and the last thing I remembered was them doing a sonogram of the baby to see the heartrate. I remember looking at the screen and the next thing I knew someone was saying “Amber, Amber, wake up” and I said “Its over?” and “Is the baby ok?” to which they told me the baby was FINE! They did a sonogram after surgery and the HB was 150 (before surgery was 156). I went back to recovery and had some cramping but tylenol took care of that. I was released about 2:15 and have been taking it easy this evening- which is really boring. I dont like being confined to doing nothing.

Drew had a good time today- my friends Matt and Alisha took care of Drew today and even took him trick-or-treating and he came home with a STASH of candy! I will post some pictures that they took tomorrow sometime. Ive been sitting up too long and need to go lay down!

Thanks for all of the thoughts and prayers! I will be 14 weeks tomorrow so my next big hurdle is getting to 26 weeks. Then we will make a goal of 30, then 34- everything after that is just a piece of cake!

We took Drew to the church’s trunk-n-treat where the older couples of the church dress up in costumes and decorate their cars and they give out candy from the back of their car! They also had a train there, bouncy jumper thing, games, food, etc. Drew wasn’t really sure what to do most of the time but once we let him eat a piece of candy the sugar went straight to him and he got hyper!!! Here are some pictures from tonight.

Its our anniversary! We have been married for 4 years and we have officially become and old married couple. Neither one of us remembered our anniversary until we got a card in the mail from Granny wishing us a happy anniversary. I mean, I KNOW our anniversary is October 26th but we have had so much going on lately that I didn’t even realize that the 26th was this week. So pathetic- i know. And we have gone on a trip for our anniversary the last 3 years but this year we didnt so that was another reason why it just slipped my mind. But we will have a lovely anniversary dinner tonight with Drew and then come home and play with him until he goes to bed. Who says that romance is dead?????

I will be having the cerclage done next Tuesday, October 31st at 12:30. Its an outpatient procedure so I will be home that evening. We have somebody lined up to keep Drew for us that day. I will be on bedrest for 2 weeks afterwards but Peter is taking off work and/or working from home to help out with Drew. So please pray that all will go well with the surgery!

I had an appointment with Dr. Berry today for a sonogram and my pre-op appointment. The baby is doing good- heartbeat was 160bpm and at first “she” was facing down but then next thing you know “she” flipped over and changed directions and we got to see “her” face. It is still alien looking but we did get to see “her” moving around and waving her arms and legs. I just love seeing that!

Surgery for the cerclage is probably going to be next Tuesday, 10/31 which stinks for me since I can’t take Drew trick-or-treating although we probably would have only gone to a couple of houses. This saturday night we are going to trunk-n-treat at church where the kiddos go trick-or-treating in the parking lot! So I will get to see him do that in his cute little turtle costume.

Here is the best picture from the sonogram:

We went to mom and dad’s house this past weekend and finally got to see their new house! VERY NICE- Im jealous!!!!! I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE their jet garden tub and their huge walk-in closet!!!! We all went to the state fair on Saturday and Drew had the BEST time. Me, mom, Drew and Peter went on the huge ferris wheel and Drew kept looking up saying “Wow” and “Cool” and was not scared at all when it started going. Then Drew and I rode the merry-go-round! Here are a few pictures from the weekend.

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Drew has just been talking so much lately. We can understand alot of what he says and he will try to say words that we ask him to say.

He points to himself and calls himself “Dew”

He is saying No-no and told me no-no in church tonight when I told him not to pull on my earring

He said “bubble” after bible class tonight when they were blowing bubbles

He says Ma-ma, da-da, ki-ki (kitty), pappy (puppy), ba (bath), sa-side (outside), no-no, pea (please), ca-cou (thank you), jice (juice), kwa-ker (cracker), ni-ni (night-night), be-be (Granbenni), da-da (Rondad), ba-by (baby), ba-ba (bible), and other words that I just cant remember right now. But the cutest is “Dew”! Even said Ca-ca when I said Colin which nearly brought me to tears.

Here is a picture of him tonight inside the dryer as Peter was putting clothes in there

Here are some pictures of Drew outside with Peter while Peter was doing some yardwork!

He LOVES playing in our cars and Peter said he played in his car for 30 minutes!!!

Drew and Peter doing yardwork

Look at that cute kid!!!!!

I think about him all the time- I miss him every single day. But most days I can look at pictures of him and talk about him and it makes me feel good knowing that he was a part of my life. But somedays, like right now, I will read of another woman’s story about the loss of her child, or read a poem, or even think the day that Colin passed away and the tears just start flowing. Here lately, I’ve been having flashbacks to the day that he passed away. I will be forever grateful that my family got to see and hold Colin before he passed away. I also feel terribly guilty that I did not get to see him until the night he passed away- that haunts me so much. I should have been there for him, held his hand, whispered in his ear that I loved him but instead I was in another hospital pretty much oblivious to what was going on at St. David’s. I guess this is all coming up now because of this pregnancy and I can’t help but think back about what happened with the boys. To this day, the feelings that I had then are very much alive with me now and it makes me sick to my stomach.

I know this pregnancy is going to be different and I tell myself that it’s in God’s hands and I have to put my trust in that. But when you have lost a child, its hard to just let it go and place it in somebody else’s hands. I do it because I have faith, I do it because I have different doctors, I do it because we are doing things to prevent what happened before from happening again- but its still so scary.

This is my absolute FAVORITE picture of Colin-

and I saw a quote today that made me think of him which is what got me going tonight- I want to do a scrapbook page with this but right now I just cant bring myself to do it.

“The stars in heaven shine brighter because you are there.”

It totally sucks that this had to happen to him but I take great comfort in knowing that he is in heaven and is no longer hurting and I will see him someday. I love you my sweet baby boy!

Drew loved his Oreo that was in his lunchable that he had for dinner last night. You can also see his mosquito bite on his forehead and then right above that his gooseegg that he got when he hit his head on the concrete yesterday. He lost his balance and fell down. Poor baby!

Here they are having a tug ‘o war with Santa!

Drew got a pair of big boy shoes today- he got a pair of Skechers! They are too cute! Here are some pictures of Drew playing with his hat and he has his new shoes on

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Today we had a sonogram and consultation with Dr. David Berry. He was a really nice guy and I liked him alot! I told him the story of my last pregnancy and he looked over my medical records and he said this was an easy case- he would definitely do the cerclage. So, my next appointment with him is the 24th for a sonogram and pre-op appointment then surgery should be the following week. He said that I will have to take it easy for about a week and a half to two weeks but then I should be able to resume all normal activities until delivery.